5 Ways To Practice Self-Love After A Devastating Breakup

5 Ways To Practice Self-Love After A Devastating Breakup

Men. They’re a trip, ain’t they? When you first got with your ex, he convinced you that he was the one, that being with him wasn’t going to be a colossal waste of your time and you could trust him with your heart. Now you’re looking at a box full of stuff he gave you (some gifts were cool, others had you like “Boy, do you know me at all?!”) as you’re playing y’all’s song on repeat and trying to figure out how to move on.

Breakups suck. Period. It doesn’t matter who ended the relationship or why.

But you don’t have to stay miserable forever (give yourself a couple of weeks, tho). As dark as it may seem now, as much as you might wonder if you’ll ever stop hurting, we promise you that you’ll get over him. WAY OVER HIM. You just need to put a few steps in place and (get this) walk them out.

So cry it out. Scream it out. Social media stalk him...for a weekend. Then get on with this list, so that you can get back to your “new normal self” and onto the man who truly deserves you. (And yes, he’s out there!)

Don’t troll

Let’s start with an obvious one that will be your greatest temptation---at least for a couple of weeks. Please don’t troll that man. Don’t go lurking around on his social media accounts. Don’t go clicking on his friends to see if they have pictures up of him and some girl. And please don’t create a fake account to try and flirt with him to see if he’ll take the bait (Catfish has already proven how that plays out!). For one thing, you two aren’t together anymore. He can do whatever he wants. Next up. It’s a total waste of your time and hasn’t he used up enough? Our vote is to “unfollow” and “unfriend” him. If you’re not strong enough for that yet, at least “mute” or “hide” him. Hopping online and seeing him every day is basically like pulling off a scab over and over. Your wounds will never heal that way.

Write yourself a love letter (and a burn list)

Sound cheesy? Whatever. Girl, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it! Writing yourself a letter about what you love about your mind, body and spirit along with a list of the kind of love you deserve then actually mailing it back to you is a great way to hold yourself accountable. While you’re at it, create a burn list too. What’s that? Jot down all of the things that he did to hurt you that you need to forgive. Then burn it. Watching that piece of paper go up in flames will do wonders for your psyche.

Switch up your look

If there was ever a time for a makeover, this would be it! Not that you weren’t a banger before, but a new haircut or a style makeover can be like an outward declaration of a new season in your life. Every time you look in the mirror you can be like "This is the new me” and that can make you feel more confident and secure in your newfound single status.

Treat yourself

You need to pamper yourself. Going shopping is cool. Our vote is a massage or mani/pedi. Both are proven stress releasers and can even improve your quality of sleep. Ask a couple of girlfriends to go along with you so that you can have an audience to hear you gripe (venting is also a stress-reducer) over drinks and/or dinner.

Don’t “get under to get over”

Whoever came up with that “The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one” gets major side-eye. Your body is precious and besides, when you’re still fragile, you can confuse mind-blowing casual sex with an actual stable relationship. Don’t rush into dating. Give yourself sometime to focus on you. That way, you’ll get with a man because you’re ready. Not because you’re lonely. Or needy.

Be gentle with yourself

Some days you’re going to feel really good. Other days, the thought of getting out of bed is going to seem impossible. Don’t be hard on yourself as you’re figuring it all out. Breakups hurt and they take time to heal from. When will it pass? The day you wake up and he's not the first---or fourth---thing on your mind. Give it time. It’ll happen. Promise.

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