6 Signs You're Settling. BIG TIME.

6 Signs You're Settling. BIG TIME.

One of the best quotes on settling, ever, is by a writer named Maureen Dowd. She once said this: “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” This is something that every woman on the planet should write down on a Post-it note and put it on her bathroom mirror!

Nothing---and we repeat NO-THING---good ever comes from settling. Not to say that people shouldn’t compromise (no relationship works unless you do). But if you’re compromising so much that you’re sacrificing what you really want and truly need just to be with someone, that’s not a healthy relationship. 

And if you’re afraid to stop doing these things because you don’t want to be alone? Well, that’s not good either. The sign of a great relationship is that you’re free to be yourself, that it makes you better than you were before being in it and that you’re constantly growing.

Can you say this about your situation with your man? If you’re on the fence, we’ll take things a step further. Here are some telltale signs that you’re settling. Not just a little either. A WHOLE LOT. (Too much.)

You’re not getting what you want

Never EVER make apologies for what you want. This doesn’t mean go ham on your relationship wish list. You need to be realistic about your expectations (something that we’ll get into via another article sometime). But if you want affection and he’s not giving it, you want a commitment and he’s not interested or you want to be treated like the queen that you are and he keeps coming up short (excuses included), why are you staying? A healthy relationship consists of two people who want to make each other happy. If you’re the only one interested in doing this, you’re coming up short in a really big way.

You’re the one doing most of the work

Tell us something. If you didn’t call, text or plan dates, how often would you hear from your man? Sometimes we’re so happy to be in a relationship that we don’t even realize how much work we’re doing to keep it afloat. Did you get him a new suit for his birthday and he forgot to even give you a card on yours? Or worse, he thought that he could pass on the gift by initiating sex? Ugh. If you’re in love and tired, think about why. The answer might surprise you.

Your platonic male friends ain’t feelin’ him

Platonic male friends are lifesavers. We’re not talking about the dudes who can’t wait for you to break up so that they can get their shot. We mean the guys who see you as more like a sister---and love and protect you on that level too. If your male friends have met your man and they’re not super impressed, no one is saying to break things off that day. What we are saying is to take their concerns into consideration. Since they’re men, they probably see things you either can’t see…or don’t want to.

You’re wondering if there’s more

Satisfied people are not hungry. If there’s a part of you that’s wondering if there’s more to a relationship than what you have with your man, that’s worth exploring. That’s not a license to be greedy; real life is not like an episode of The Bachelorette. We’re just saying that if you feel voids that you can’t quite put your finger on, talk to some married women you know about what it takes to make a relationship work and last. Then ask yourself if your man is even remotely close to doing those things. If he’s not…well...see pic above. Yes, there are ALWAYS other fish in the sea. Good catches too!

He doesn’t make you feel like the amazing woman you are

When you’re really into a person, you can’t help but to show it in your words and actions. Does he affirm you? Does he brag about you to his family members and friends? Does he support you? Does he encourage you to set goals and reach them? Does his eyes light up whether you’re in that little black dress he likes or your favorite pair of sweats? A man you’re meant to be with is going to make you feel like he’s so blessed to be with someone as amazing as you. If you feel like all of this is a fairy tale and not real life, baby, you’re settling.

There’s no progress

One more. Standing water, after a while, starts to stink. Yes, this is a metaphor. Another sign that you’re settling in your relationship is if you’re not seeing any signs of progress. He doesn’t talk about the future. He’s not bringing you more and more into his world. He seems content with things being just as they are, even if you’re not. Time’s too short, and precious, to be with someone who doesn’t value it---and you. If you need more than what you’re getting, speak up. If nothing changes after you do, you already know. You’re settling.

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